Counter Beliefs

If you have identified shadow beliefs that are blocking your happiness, what can you do about it? If you recognize these shadow beliefs as habits, then you do what you would do to change any habit.

First, you become aware of it. You catch yourself when you fall into your habitual shadow thinking. Second, you are ready with a substitute or counter belief. Third, you substitute your counter belief every time you catch yourself in shadow thinking – every single time! Gradually, the counter belief will become your habitual belief.

The main thing is not to stress about it – we are trying to reduce stress! Just being aware of our shadow beliefs is a huge step in moving through whatever blocks those shadow beliefs present.

If you are unsure what a counter belief would be, you might start by just stating the opposite of the shadow belief. For example, if I feel unworthy to be happy, I could choose the belief that “I am worthy of joy,” or “I am a child of God, and have been promised great joy.”

One person said her shadow belief is that she has to make other people happy or they won’t like her. Counter beliefs could include “It’s not my job to make other people happy,” or “People like me for myself,” or “It’s okay if some people don’t like me.”

I wrote before about my shadow belief that I had to be vigilant all the time or something bad would happen. Counter beliefs could include “My vigilance does not control what happens,” or “Bad things [specifically the bad things I’m fantasizing about] are unlikely to happen,” or because my shadow belief was based on fear of imagined danger, “I am safe.”

The value of the counter belief is simply that it interrupts your habitual thought and substitutes a better thought, which will become a happier habit. So you might just play with a few until one catches your attention.

Another approach would be to use a generic counter belief, like one that comes from A Course in Miracles. “I can choose to see this differently.” I like this one a lot because you can use it anytime you find yourself fretting or stewing over something that is causing you unnecessary distress. Simply recognizing that there is another option frees us from the grip of our habitual shadow thinking.

Once the counter belief becomes habitual, you will notice the beneficial effect from this new habit permeating your life. And when you occasionally slip back into shadow thinking, you will be more quick to recognize it and switch back to your positive habit.

Remember that it takes about 21 days to establish a habit. If you are like me, your shadow beliefs have been around for a long time, so be patient and give yourself credit for making an effort to change them. It is worth the effort!