When It's Right to be Right

This month is coming to a close. We have been focusing on making conscious decisions about when to assert our “rightness,” and when to choose instead to be “happy.”

We have looked at situations in which being right is not worth the cost creating unhappiness. For example, there was the waiter who corrected my pronunciation in the restaurant. Instead of letting it pass, I got huffy and corrected him right back (I’m Right – So What!). These situations often involve our ego, which feels embarrassed or threatened.

We have looked at situations in which there is not really a right or wrong answer, just opinions. For example, the topic that seemed to generate the most comments this month was whether the toilet paper should roll over the top or from underneath (One Hand Clapping)! Our insistence on the rightness of our opinions often hinders respectful debate and prevents connection with those who think differently than we do.

We have explored our underlying assumptions about our own knowledge (What I Know for Sure). A better title for that post would have been What I Don’t Know for Sure! Sometimes when I look beneath some unquestioned belief, I find that my foundation for that belief is not as concrete as I thought. I have, on rare occasions (!), even decided that I was mistaken. Or I have at least entertained the possibility, however unlikely (!), that I could be mistaken.

And we have considered the role of fear in our discomfort with multiple right answers (Beyond Right and Wrong).

General Patton said, “Don’t fight a battle if you won’t gain anything by winning.” In many of these scenarios, a quick cost/benefit analysis would suggest that the benefit of asserting our rightness does not outweigh the expense of our happiness or the happiness of others.

Does that mean that it is never right to be right? We considered this topic in The Mask of Happiness. Comments have raised thought-provoking questions about standing up against injustice. The Noble Eightfold Path is full of rightness – right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration. Was Buddha wrong?

So what do we really mean by deciding to be right or happy? Are these choices always mutually exclusive? Can they be reconciled?

Perhaps we can ponder these questions as a way of bringing our focus on Step 2 this month to a close. I would be very interested in hearing what you think. If you would like to share your thoughts, please leave a comment or email me. I will be away from my computer this weekend (at my cabin that has no phone or internet!), which means that there might be some delay in publishing your comments. Please know that every comment is important and I will publish them as soon as I get back.