The Kindness Game

When my daughter was in high school, she was, like many high school kids, focused on herself. I thought it might do her some good to think outside of her own life. So I came up with a game. Each day we would compete to see who could do the most nice things for other people. It could be something as simple as smiling at someone as you pass by, or saying something encouraging. If you did something nice for someone in your family, you got double points (because we often overlook those closest to us). At the end of the day we would compare notes and see who won.

Playing the game was fun. You go through your day a little differently when you are actively seeking opportunities to be kind. I caught myself smiling more, greeting people, listening more attentively, offering to help a little more quickly, finding something nice to say. I wrote out a compliment card for someone who helped me at the store. Mia ate lunch with a student from another country who was often isolated.

One day, Mia called me as she walked home from school and asked me for directions to a certain address. When she got home, she explained that she had seen a young woman looking distressed. Mia crossed the street to ask if she needed help. The young woman was developmentally disabled and had gotten off at the wrong bus stop on her way home. She was disoriented and couldn’t figure out how to get home. After I gave Mia directions over the phone, she walked the young woman all the way home, even though it was quite a bit out of her way. When she told me the story, I readily conceded the game for that day, for the whole week. I could see that Mia felt compassion for this young woman and was pleased to be able to help her. (Because I have two sons with autism, Mia’s brothers, this kindness on Mia’s part was especially meaningful. I would like to believe that someone would do the same for them if they were lost.)

Playing the kindness game helps us develop the habit of kindness. The point isn’t to “win” or to brag about what a nice person you are. After all, kindness done in secret is often the most delicious. The point of sharing is to help others be more aware of all the opportunities we have as we go through our day to brighten someone’s life, to lift someone’s spirit. By sharing our examples, we can inspire each other to see those chances we might otherwise overlook.

So I hope you will join me in playing the kindness game this month. Let’s try to be aware of opportunities to be kind. These could be spontaneous opportunities, or we could create our own opportunities by giving it some thought as we start our day. Is there someone at work or at home who could use an encouraging word? Is there someone you could say thank you to? Is there a parent or friend who would appreciate a phone call or email?

You can play the game with your family or with friends. It can be a game of solitaire--try for your personal best! Or we can play with each other. You could share in the comments some opportunity you discovered to be kind. For example, here is a great idea from a comment Lisa just left on my last post.

I have been pondering upcoming Mother's Day. Perhaps we might call on those who are Mother-less. I am fortunate to still have my parents, but so many do not. Call a cousin, a friend, or a co-worker who has no Mom anymore and take them for tea. Or make them lunch. Mother them for a few hours. Love them as we are loved.

Lisa's comment made me think of a good friend I have not been in contact with for awhile. Her parents were like second parents to me. I will call her tomorrow and we can share some wonderful memories of her mom. Thank you, Lisa, for this great idea.

We worked hard with some challenging issues in March and April with Steps 3 and 4, regarding letting go of control and feeling our feelings. At least, those were challenging issues for me. Let’s relax this month and have some fun being kind. And remember – fun is good!