First Date

I read a book by Mark Hughes, the title of which begins I Am Not a Prophet.... I was immediately attracted to the title, thinking “I’m not a prophet, too!” The author’s point is that we don’t need to be anyone special to hear our inner guidance. The answer we seek can only be found within. And here’s the good news – everyone can find it.

Okay, okay, I get that. But maybe if I just read one more book, go to one more presentation, attend one more meditation workshop, listen to one more teacher.... Maybe if I keep looking out there, I will find what I’m looking for in here. So I keep reading about meditation, about listening to my inner guidance, about forgiveness, about compassion, about being here now. If I keep reading about, perhaps I will become....

If I could just get to that darned nirvana place, my life would be so much better. I would be calm and joyful all the time. I would be wise. My life would be eternally blissful. I would never, ever be angry or judgmental or unhappy or even cranky. I would be a better person. A much better person.

Pema Chodron says that this way of thinking is a subtle form of aggression (sometimes not so subtle, I think). We blame ourselves or others because of what we perceive as some lack in our own life. If it weren’t for my boss, the government, my childhood, my neighbor, my ex, the terrorists, the weather, my life would be great. And my personal favorite, “If it weren’t for my mind, my meditation would be excellent.”

Instead, she says, we don’t need to change anything about ourselves. We can still be our crazy, cranky, impatient, insecure, silly selves. We don’t need to trade ourselves in for the new, shinier, upgraded model. Instead, we can make friends with ourselves. We can start where we are. Here. Right now.

We can start by suspending our judgments long enough to get to know who we are. Imagine that you are going out on a date with yourself. A first date. Feel the excitement and anticipation. Imagine you are sitting across the table from yourself at your favorite restaurant (or at some other favorite place). What would you ask yourself? How would you answer? Treat yourself with the same curiosity and courtesy you would give your date. Have a great time!

If we befriend ourselves, we might do less searching outside and more finding inside. We might even ask ourselves for a second date!

I’m headed up to my cabin for the weekend (no phone or internet), so I won’t be able to post your comments till I get back on Sunday. Please know that your comments are important to me and I look forward to reading them as soon as I get back!