Tomorrow I will go up to my cabin in the mountains to spend the last days of the year reflecting on the year that is ending and anticipating the year about to begin. This year I’m going to try a more formal sort of retreat, following the suggestions in a book by Sylvia Boorstein titled Don’t Just Do Something, Sit There. You gotta love that title.
I look forward to my New Year's Eve ritual. I build a fire in the fireplace. In the last hours of the year, I write a letter to the old year. I reflect on the year, on what I learned and experienced, on the themes of the year, on what I think I will remember. I thank the year for all the blessings it has brought.
Then I write a letter to the new year. I welcome the new year and share my hopes and intentions. I invite the new year in like a new friend, curious, eager to get acquainted, excited about possibilities. I tell the new year what my word of the year is (more on this in just a moment).
I hold both letters as I say a prayer, once more thanking the departing year and welcoming the new year. Then I burn both letters in the fireplace as an offering.
Every year on New Year's Eve, I pick a word for the following year. It is always a verb. It is not a resolution. My word is a focus word, a gentle reminder, a guide. I write the word on little cards that I place where my gaze is sure to light--by my computer, the bathroom mirror, the car dash.
How do I choose my word? Sometimes I am pretty sure I know before New Year's Eve, but more often I don't. As the year comes to a close, I open my mind and heart. The word comes to me, like a whisper in my soul.
My word for 2010 has been "Attend." It calls me to the present moment. It guides me to suspend my inner chatter and to look and listen. Sometimes when I'm caught up in distractions and reactions, I can hear it and I take a deep breath and pause. Attend. It has been a cherished word and I’m grateful for it.
I won’t know my 2011 word for sure until New Year’s Eve, but the word “Yield” has been dancing around in the shadows of my awareness for several weeks now. I suspect that might be my new word. We’ll see. I will return from the cabin on New Year’s Day, and I will post my new word and tell more about it.
As part of my thanks to the departing year, I would like to say thank you to you. I started this blog in February, not at all sure what I was doing (still don’t know), and with no idea where it would lead (still don’t know that either). But I do know this. I have been so deeply touched and humbled by the support and encouragement I’ve gotten from so many people. I remember the first follower I got who was not a friend or family member. I couldn’t believe it! Who was this mystery person?! Now I have lots of new blog friends.
Through you and your blogs, I have received so much wisdom, inspiration, challenge, information, and lots of great fun. And as we all know, fun is good. I am so blessed to be part of this network of people. You are such a gift. Thank you.
Best wishes for a blessed end of 2010 and a new beginning with unlimited possibilities in 2011.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Preparing the Ground
I know lots of folks (like my kids!) love Christmas, but I really prefer the lull after Christmas. I like the quiet time to reflect on the year winding to a close and to anticipate the new one almost here.
With that in mind, I thought I would say a little more about the blog plans for 2011. As I said before, I am going to try a more structured approach, highlighting one of the 10 Steps every month.
Before we get started with that, it might help to prepare the ground, so to speak, to grow some new habits. Remember that only 10% of our happiness depends on outer circumstances. Of the 90% left, some portion is based on the temperament we were born with, but the overwhelming portion of our happiness is directly attributable to our habitual thoughts, actions, words, and feelings. In other words, biology and circumstances are resoundingly trumped by habits in the happiness formula.
So let’s start with a baseline. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest, how would you rate yourself as a happy person? This isn’t about how you are feeling at this moment, but generally, how would you rate this aspect of your life? This is like your homepage, your default setting.
Okay, now let me ask you, if you could increase that number, would you? Most of us would say yes. Whether we are at 2 or 9.9 on the scale, most of us would not say no to more happiness. So what we are going to do is reset our homepage. We are going to move our default setting up the scale. We are going to do this by identifying and reinforcing our habits that serve us, and by substituting good habits for the ones that don’t.
Will that make us feel happy all the time? Of course not. But we can build a reservoir of well-being to enhance our happy times and to sustain us during challenging times. We can live in the embrace of deep, abiding joy.
Between now and end of the year, I invite you to think about your habits. If you are like most folks, you have some habits in both categories, habits that serve you and habits that don’t. So be honest. But no judgment. No blame. No effort to be any different. Just loving awareness. In fact, if there is a theme throughout all the steps, I would call it loving awareness.
Hold that thought....
With that in mind, I thought I would say a little more about the blog plans for 2011. As I said before, I am going to try a more structured approach, highlighting one of the 10 Steps every month.
Before we get started with that, it might help to prepare the ground, so to speak, to grow some new habits. Remember that only 10% of our happiness depends on outer circumstances. Of the 90% left, some portion is based on the temperament we were born with, but the overwhelming portion of our happiness is directly attributable to our habitual thoughts, actions, words, and feelings. In other words, biology and circumstances are resoundingly trumped by habits in the happiness formula.
So let’s start with a baseline. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest, how would you rate yourself as a happy person? This isn’t about how you are feeling at this moment, but generally, how would you rate this aspect of your life? This is like your homepage, your default setting.
Okay, now let me ask you, if you could increase that number, would you? Most of us would say yes. Whether we are at 2 or 9.9 on the scale, most of us would not say no to more happiness. So what we are going to do is reset our homepage. We are going to move our default setting up the scale. We are going to do this by identifying and reinforcing our habits that serve us, and by substituting good habits for the ones that don’t.
Will that make us feel happy all the time? Of course not. But we can build a reservoir of well-being to enhance our happy times and to sustain us during challenging times. We can live in the embrace of deep, abiding joy.
Between now and end of the year, I invite you to think about your habits. If you are like most folks, you have some habits in both categories, habits that serve you and habits that don’t. So be honest. But no judgment. No blame. No effort to be any different. Just loving awareness. In fact, if there is a theme throughout all the steps, I would call it loving awareness.
Hold that thought....
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Happiness is the Way
There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. –Buddha
A friend asked me to “favor him with a reflection” on this saying by the Buddha. I doubt that my reflections are a favor to anyone, and I have no expertise in Buddhism, but the passage is intriguing and I have been mulling it over for a few days.
It reminds me that there is no way to happiness “out there.” I’ve read that only 10% of our happiness is dependent on outer circumstances. That’s not very much. So happiness, if it to be found anywhere, is inside us. As the Bible says, “The kingdom of heaven is within you.”
I had lunch today with a former student, now with his own successful practice. As we talked, I was struck by his great attitude about life. He seemed truly happy. I asked him about it, and he told me a story. He spent six years in the Navy, most all of it out at sea working in the engine room of the ship. It was hot. It was hot all the time. There were no days off, no vacations. He looks back on it in a Tale of Two Cities kind of way – it was the worst of times which led to the best of times. Now when he gets up in the night and goes to his refrigerator for a glass of cold milk, even after all these years, he is grateful that he has a kitchen that has a refrigerator that has fresh, cold milk in it. He is content.
Happiness is not a destination. It is the way we live. Or at least it is the way we can live, if we choose to. Choosing to live that way might take some effort, perhaps some training. There is much wisdom out there to guide us, to inspire us, to encourage us. But, like horses, we can be led to joy, but not made to drink it. Ultimately, it is our choice to live in joy. Or not. That freedom to choose can be scary (there is no one to blame) and liberating (we have the power) at the same time.
It is a choice we make every moment. We can remember happy times in the past, we can anticipate happy times in the future, but happiness can only be actually experienced in the present moment. So each moment is a new opportunity to choose. I believe that if we choose repeatedly to be happy, it becomes a habit, our default position. It doesn’t mean that we feel lalala happy all the time. But it means that we live from that foundation. It is our home base. In that sense, happiness is the way.
Developing joyful habits is the focus of this blog. The title 10 Steps to Finding Your Happy Place (and Staying There) might sound like there is a way to happiness “out there,” but in truth, all the steps bring us back to where we started, with ourselves. George Moore said, “A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.” Like finding your glasses on top of your head, we wake up and realize that our happiness was here all along.
A friend asked me to “favor him with a reflection” on this saying by the Buddha. I doubt that my reflections are a favor to anyone, and I have no expertise in Buddhism, but the passage is intriguing and I have been mulling it over for a few days.
It reminds me that there is no way to happiness “out there.” I’ve read that only 10% of our happiness is dependent on outer circumstances. That’s not very much. So happiness, if it to be found anywhere, is inside us. As the Bible says, “The kingdom of heaven is within you.”
I had lunch today with a former student, now with his own successful practice. As we talked, I was struck by his great attitude about life. He seemed truly happy. I asked him about it, and he told me a story. He spent six years in the Navy, most all of it out at sea working in the engine room of the ship. It was hot. It was hot all the time. There were no days off, no vacations. He looks back on it in a Tale of Two Cities kind of way – it was the worst of times which led to the best of times. Now when he gets up in the night and goes to his refrigerator for a glass of cold milk, even after all these years, he is grateful that he has a kitchen that has a refrigerator that has fresh, cold milk in it. He is content.
Happiness is not a destination. It is the way we live. Or at least it is the way we can live, if we choose to. Choosing to live that way might take some effort, perhaps some training. There is much wisdom out there to guide us, to inspire us, to encourage us. But, like horses, we can be led to joy, but not made to drink it. Ultimately, it is our choice to live in joy. Or not. That freedom to choose can be scary (there is no one to blame) and liberating (we have the power) at the same time.
It is a choice we make every moment. We can remember happy times in the past, we can anticipate happy times in the future, but happiness can only be actually experienced in the present moment. So each moment is a new opportunity to choose. I believe that if we choose repeatedly to be happy, it becomes a habit, our default position. It doesn’t mean that we feel lalala happy all the time. But it means that we live from that foundation. It is our home base. In that sense, happiness is the way.
Developing joyful habits is the focus of this blog. The title 10 Steps to Finding Your Happy Place (and Staying There) might sound like there is a way to happiness “out there,” but in truth, all the steps bring us back to where we started, with ourselves. George Moore said, “A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.” Like finding your glasses on top of your head, we wake up and realize that our happiness was here all along.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Turning Toward Light
Yesterday was the first day of winter in the northern hemisphere. It was also winter solstice. Interesting that the beginning of winter also marks the beginning of longer daylight. As we enter the time of dark and frozen quiet, the days begin to lengthen, so gradually that most of us don’t notice until the morning when we wake up and see the dawn.
I have been touched by many blog posts in recent days about the grief of Christmas instead of the joy. For many people, the holidays mark experiences and anniversaries of loss, betrayal, loneliness, poverty, stress, and despair. My heart breaks open in witness to so much pain.
And yet, within the pain is promise. A friend once said that winter is when the earth is pregnant. What appears to be dead is quietly preparing to burst forth with life. As Bambi’s mother assured him, winter does not last forever.
So it is with the seasons of our lives.
Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5
I have been touched by many blog posts in recent days about the grief of Christmas instead of the joy. For many people, the holidays mark experiences and anniversaries of loss, betrayal, loneliness, poverty, stress, and despair. My heart breaks open in witness to so much pain.
And yet, within the pain is promise. A friend once said that winter is when the earth is pregnant. What appears to be dead is quietly preparing to burst forth with life. As Bambi’s mother assured him, winter does not last forever.
So it is with the seasons of our lives.
Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Message to Portland Readers
Dear readers in the Portland area,
I will be leading a once a month discussion group beginning Jan. 11 and continuing on the second Tuesday of every month. The purpose of the group is to support each other as we develop habits to grow a joyful spirit.
Everyone is welcome. If you are interested, I would be glad to give you more information and answer any questions. Please email me at galenpearl@gmail.com.
Best wishes,
Galen
I will be leading a once a month discussion group beginning Jan. 11 and continuing on the second Tuesday of every month. The purpose of the group is to support each other as we develop habits to grow a joyful spirit.
Everyone is welcome. If you are interested, I would be glad to give you more information and answer any questions. Please email me at galenpearl@gmail.com.
Best wishes,
Galen
Monday, December 20, 2010
GLAD
GLAD stands for Give Lovingly And Daringly.
I discovered this concept in the book Glad No Matter What, by SARK (pen name for Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy). The author suggests that we can help the world by giving more, and giving more creatively.
We all have something to give, and giving not only benefits the recipient, but also benefits the giver. We are happier when we are sharing our gifts, whether that is money, time, talent, kindness, or ideas.
Oprah once gave $1000 to every audience member with the instruction that the money had to be given away. She had a follow up show to tell the stories of what people did with the money. That was the coolest show. Some people gave the money directly to their chosen recipients, and it was interesting to see the variety of choices. Others used the money as seed money to generate even more funds to donate. The ideas they came up with were so imaginative. But the best part was watching how darned happy everyone was. They were just giddy with generosity.
That show made me realize that I had not done a good job of teaching my kids to give. Well, that’s not entirely true. They have always participated in volunteer activities. But I had not taught them to give money. I have always donated money to organizations I support, but I always did it quietly and usually anonymously. I felt good in my own heart, but what I realized was that my kids never saw me do this. While I was doing a good job of teaching them to earn and manage their money, I totally dropped the ball on the giving part.
I have heard many great ideas from parents about how to teach their kids to give, and I would be delighted if you would share ideas in your comments. I’m sure many of you have done a much better job than I did! But that show really caught my attention. So I sat down with the kids and explained the concept. Then I pledged a certain amount of money for each kid to donate. I said we would do it every year.
They got into the spirit right away. It was fun to watch them explore and compare options. When they made their choices, I accompanied them to the organization so that they could give the check in person and see what their money was going to be used for. One daughter gave her money to the Humane Society. The director was so gracious and took her on a tour, explaining all the ways that donations help the animals.
The best part is that I now see them making the choice to donate some of their own money.
Of course, what we give doesn’t have to be money. So I am going to accept the GLAD challenge to think more consciously about all the blessings I have that I can share in more creative ways.
I discovered this concept in the book Glad No Matter What, by SARK (pen name for Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy). The author suggests that we can help the world by giving more, and giving more creatively.
We all have something to give, and giving not only benefits the recipient, but also benefits the giver. We are happier when we are sharing our gifts, whether that is money, time, talent, kindness, or ideas.
Oprah once gave $1000 to every audience member with the instruction that the money had to be given away. She had a follow up show to tell the stories of what people did with the money. That was the coolest show. Some people gave the money directly to their chosen recipients, and it was interesting to see the variety of choices. Others used the money as seed money to generate even more funds to donate. The ideas they came up with were so imaginative. But the best part was watching how darned happy everyone was. They were just giddy with generosity.
That show made me realize that I had not done a good job of teaching my kids to give. Well, that’s not entirely true. They have always participated in volunteer activities. But I had not taught them to give money. I have always donated money to organizations I support, but I always did it quietly and usually anonymously. I felt good in my own heart, but what I realized was that my kids never saw me do this. While I was doing a good job of teaching them to earn and manage their money, I totally dropped the ball on the giving part.
I have heard many great ideas from parents about how to teach their kids to give, and I would be delighted if you would share ideas in your comments. I’m sure many of you have done a much better job than I did! But that show really caught my attention. So I sat down with the kids and explained the concept. Then I pledged a certain amount of money for each kid to donate. I said we would do it every year.
They got into the spirit right away. It was fun to watch them explore and compare options. When they made their choices, I accompanied them to the organization so that they could give the check in person and see what their money was going to be used for. One daughter gave her money to the Humane Society. The director was so gracious and took her on a tour, explaining all the ways that donations help the animals.
The best part is that I now see them making the choice to donate some of their own money.
Of course, what we give doesn’t have to be money. So I am going to accept the GLAD challenge to think more consciously about all the blessings I have that I can share in more creative ways.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Finish Well
New Year’s Eve is two weeks from today. Some of us are looking back at the year with some regret. There were so many things we meant to do, but didn’t. Resolutions that were abandoned before the new year champagne had gone flat. Hopes that didn’t manifest, dreams that died on the vine. Losses we didn’t see coming or weren’t prepared for.
Some of us have turned our attention away from this year, shrugging it off as a lost cause, too late to redeem (sort of like my football team). We are already looking ahead at the new year, excited about a fresh start, renewing the resolutions that we will surely keep this time, eager to do better, be better.
But go back to the first sentence. We have two weeks left in this year. In horse racing, it doesn’t matter if you are first out of the gate. It doesn’t matter if you trail behind or cruise along in the middle of the pack. What matters is how you finish. The finish line is everything.
I realized this morning that I was throwing away two precious weeks, a lifetime by some measures. I have two weeks to live well, do well, be well. I have two weeks to count all the blessings of this year, to be grateful for the abundance of grace that has poured over my life. I have two weeks to feel good about what I have accomplished instead of berating myself for what I didn’t. I have two weeks to be a good friend, to listen more, to help someone. I have two weeks to love my children, to appreciate my family and friends. I have two weeks of present moments, holy instants, to savor.
It doesn’t matter if you read this post today or Dec. 31. Whatever time is left in this year, two weeks or two minutes, is ours to do with as we choose. No matter what has happened this year, we can choose to finish well.
Some of us have turned our attention away from this year, shrugging it off as a lost cause, too late to redeem (sort of like my football team). We are already looking ahead at the new year, excited about a fresh start, renewing the resolutions that we will surely keep this time, eager to do better, be better.
But go back to the first sentence. We have two weeks left in this year. In horse racing, it doesn’t matter if you are first out of the gate. It doesn’t matter if you trail behind or cruise along in the middle of the pack. What matters is how you finish. The finish line is everything.
I realized this morning that I was throwing away two precious weeks, a lifetime by some measures. I have two weeks to live well, do well, be well. I have two weeks to count all the blessings of this year, to be grateful for the abundance of grace that has poured over my life. I have two weeks to feel good about what I have accomplished instead of berating myself for what I didn’t. I have two weeks to be a good friend, to listen more, to help someone. I have two weeks to love my children, to appreciate my family and friends. I have two weeks of present moments, holy instants, to savor.
It doesn’t matter if you read this post today or Dec. 31. Whatever time is left in this year, two weeks or two minutes, is ours to do with as we choose. No matter what has happened this year, we can choose to finish well.
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