Thursday, September 16, 2010

...and Finding...

I wrote last time about losing my way. Since then I have been finding my way back again. Still in process, but I will write as I go along.

Someone’s comment on the last post included this quotation. “As we give fully, unafraid to let others know the truth about ourselves, we receive unexpected rewards from unexpected sources.” – Helen Lerner-Robbins

I don’t claim to have given fully or that I was unafraid in posting that last entry. On the contrary, I was anxious about revealing too much, about disclosing that I was having a hard time, about admitting I had “relapsed” into negative habits. But whether warranted or not, I have indeed received unexpected rewards from unexpected sources.

A number of people have posted comments or emailed me to express appreciation for my honesty, to share their stories, to offer encouragement, to simply reach out. Some are people I know; some aren’t. The kindness of strangers. Unexpected sources.

And guess what – I feel better. Not because other people are also struggling, but because other people responded to my openness with openness in return. And feeling connected helped me feel better. My heart, which was closed with anger and judgment and shame, softened. Sometimes I get so focused on fixing the problem, that I overlook the real healing.

A blog is an odd thing. It is generally one directional. You post entries in cyberspace. For the most part, you don’t know who reads them or how readers react. But every now and then, there is dialogue. Connection. Healing. Unexpected rewards. Thank you.

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